My husband apologized to me when he saw what I went through. The nurse brought a bill of N35000 but I threw away my face. I knew he has no money but he has to sort it out himself. He collected the bill and looked at me for sometimes but he could not utter a word. I pitied him but I will be foolish to pay for a medical bill of my miscarriage caused by my husband’s cruelty.
I noticed I didn’t see my period as at when due but of course I didn’t want to see it. Though I had fears that my husband is not ready to be a father with his recent attitude. When I closed from work that day I went to the clinic to run a test. “Praise God, you are seven weeks pregnant madam”, the laboratory attendant said and stretched his hand to shake me. I had mixed reactions but this is what I have been praying for over a year. I collected the test result and left.
When I got home my husband was already boiling because I came home late. I greeted him and apologized for not informing him before going to the clinic but I wanted the news to be a surprise to him. While he remained mute I stretched the test result at him, “take a look at this”, I said. He made forward his hand as if he was going to collect the test result but his hand landed on my cheek. He hasn’t seen the content of the envelope I tried to show him but slapped me. “You are a foolish woman, only a foolish woman will go out and come back at this time of the night. It is obvious you have started flirting around with other men because I am jobless. You prostitute!”, he rained insults on me like I am nobody.
Those insults were really painful this time because I was now carrying his baby. I gave him back, “if I am a foolish woman, you must be more foolish to have married a foolish woman. You claimed you are spiritual and you couldn’t see ahead that the woman you are about to marry was a prostitute or was going to be a prostitute, you must be a spiritual hypocrite”. I was sure my last statement will touch his marrow because he never liked to be accused of not being a true Christian. He stood up from where he was seated and gave me a kick and a push. I landed on the floor and he used his two legs to kick me several times. I passed out momentarily, I was on the floor for over thirty minutes. I pretended as if I was no longer breathing expecting him to think I am dead so he could come around but my husband never minded me.
When I became tired on the floor I tried to stand up but I couldn’t for pain. I told myself this is the time a third party must be aware of all these I am going through. I managed to screamed for help but no one was hearing me because my voice was too low. When he had my scream he jumped out from the room and used his handkerchief to blocked my mouth so I won’t attract neighbors with my call for help. I didn’t bother to struggle with him because I was already weak. When he was tired he left me. When I became better I stood up with my clothes soak with my blood, I had a miscarriage. I felt like calling pastor immediately but I considered the damage that will do so I held my peace. But what would I do now that I am weak? “If you don’t come and carry me to the hospital now I will call the pastor”, I threatened,
I insisted he must carry me to the same clinic where I ran the pregnancy test. When the laboratory attendance saw me he was speechless. “You just left here barely an hour or two ago, what happened madam?”, he asked me in curiosity. When he saw the blood he knew what has happened but he was interested in what led to this. They called in the doctor immediately and straight away I was flushed.
He went out to see the doctor if they could reduce the amount for him but he was told they would have admitted me for a night but they are letting us to go back home tonight so we don’t have to pay for the bed. If I pass the night in the clinic that will make the bill rise to N45000. I was in the clinic for two hours without seeing my husband. He had gone to hustle for the money but that served him right. I had over N100000 in my account but I will not pay a dime. Let him go and get the money anyhow and anywhere.
He came back at about 11:45pm with N30000. He came and knelt down before me and begged me to lend him N5000 to make up the money. At this time I couldn’t resist the pity I had on him. I brought my ATM card and stretched it to him, 1505. He understood 1505 was my pin number. He grabbed it and rushed out. I was discharged by 1am and we chartered a cab that took us home that night.
Two months later, April 11th was my husband’s birthday, but being that it fell on a Wednesday, I decided to mark it on Saturday, February 16 for my husband. I hosted friends to a-get-together in our home. I did a lot to make the day memorable. The last group of friends left around 9:30pm and by the time we were done cleaning up, it was about 11pm. We had our bath and all I could think of was sleep, but my husband was thinking differently. He wanted sex, but I was just too tired for anything so I said NO and asked him to wait until morning. My husband angrily left the bedroom and I drifted off to sleep because I was too tired, but I was woken up with a slap in my face. I thought I was dreaming, but I wasn’t. I was startled when I saw that it was my husband who actually dealt me a slap! As I wanted to ask him what the issue was, he gave me another slap and said “you have no right to deny me sex”. I was forced to slap him back, but that made him angrier, he hit me back and pinned me down- I struggled with him, but he overpowered me. He tore my nightwear and RAPED me to his satisfaction. I still do not believe this happened. I was too tired. Was I wrong to ask him to wait until the next day? Was he right to have slapped me? Was he right to have raped me? SEX! Should it have been because of sex? We still had sex a night before- in fact early that morning- three hot rounds. It’s been three days after the incident, he’s still feeling fly like he was right.
“I can’t do this anymore” I said to myself. Leaving this marriage, to me is religiously wrong. Society will say I left him because he’s now poor and that I am the reason for his predicament. He was very rich until the great peril that took away everything, his love and sense of humanity.
“How do I get out of this marriage?” This thought overwhelmed me night and day but then my undying love keep giving excuses for him. “Maybe I need to give him time to put himself together and accepts the present predicament, maybe I was wrong to deny him sex, maybe I should reduce my work rate so as not to come back home late” I pondered over these thoughts sleeplessly.
“Could this be his true personality and character that love blinded me not to see?”. My husband was the best thing to happen to me, I blessed the heavens everyday for gifting me my husband. But now I don’t know anymore.
I still love him, but then I can’t handle his bruts and violence and yet I can’t leave. Even if I want to leave, I can’t leave him in the state that he is now. I guess this is my wilderness where I wander like a destitute. Perhaps, I’m in an ocean of no ends.